The daught stories continue… 

My girl had a bad dream the other night and woke up needing a hug. I laid down with her and felt her shaking from waking up afraid. 

I’ve learned that one of the many keys to parenting is distraction so I held her tighter and told her she had been talking in her sleep (which was true).

She looked up with a grin and asked what she had said.

“How in the world am I supposed to know where the thermos is?!”

She giggled but was still snuggled tight so I made up a story around her thermos.  I had her laughing out loud at magic thermoses full of helium juice, the seat of her pants covered in different colors from sliding on rainbows, running marathons and being chased by flying pigs that oinked her name while trying to steal the helium juice, etc. 

…If only I could use my powers for good…

She was dozing off with a smile when I heard the following:

“Mom, my husband is going to have to stay home with the kids.”

Always game for a random thought, I asked her why.

“Because there is no way I could have pulled that story out of no where. You’ve got a twisted gift, my friend.”

I laugh-cried for the next 15 minutes.

#Twisted Gift

#StoryTellingUnitesGenerations

#MomDaughterTimeIsHysterical 

#OutrageouslyOrdinary 

While changing the sheets on my bed, the daught offered to help. She said “Its time I learned how to make a bed.”

She’s 10, the concept has come up before, many times.  “What about the last time I showed you?”

“That didn’t count.”

“And the time before that?”

“Nope.”

“And the time before that?”

“Still no.”

“Why in the world doesn’t that count?”

“You lost me at hospital corners, mom.”

At least she’s honest.

#OhSheet

#SharpHospitalCorners

#FunnyChildren

#OutrageouslyOrdinary

The kids just got back from a weekend away.  After the hugs, kisses and catch up, I said “I’m so glad you’re home!  Guess what no one has done for me all weekend…”

Their responses –

Your hair?

Helped you shower?

Figured out the remote?

Given you kisses?

Cleaned?

I’m not sure when they think anyone is helping me with any of the above, but their answers cracked me up!

The correct answer was no one has walked on my back (to pop it) all weekend long.  It’s one of the ways my kids earn things like food and shelter while they’re home.  I miss them for many reasons when they are gone, but their (not so) little feet cracking my back is way up at the top of the list.

I also think it’s cute that they consider coming into the bathroom while I’m in the shower and leaving the door open for all the cold air to gust in as “helping”.

#CrackIsBack

#FreeMassage

#ChildrenHaveSoManyTalents

#OutrageouslyOrdinary

I just got the sweetest text from the kids. In the middle of playing and having a great time with their dad and grandparents, they just wanted to say “I love you”.

I think it is so incredibly important to tell children every day how much they are loved. I am so proud of them for seeing that importance and making the effort to show it themselves.  

It’s easy to say “love you” to both as they walk into school or are running into soccer practice, but it means so much more to stop the hustle of our day and give them an individual moment of love and attention.

I have no funny momisms to share, no sarcasm to inject, but am full of pride for these two little characters and wanted the world to see what I am blessed with. 
I encourage you to take a minute, give a hug and tell your babies you love them just for being them. You could even say it to your husbands once in a while too, just make sure the game isn’t on at the time.

#Grateful

#TheLittleThingsMeanSoMuch

#AmazingKids

#OutrageouslyOrdinary 

My twisted sense of humor has been influenced by many, but very few can be blamed for it… 

Enter my mother, the good doctor.  She is certifiable in a wonderful way. The perfect blend of saint and sinner (I, personally, still lean in one direction but hope to follow her lead one day).

She knew I needed a laugh last week so she sent me this picture with the caption “I’m going to get you some of this.”

She’s just mean like that.

#StiffenStuff

#FunnyMom

#OutrageouslyOrdinary 

(read These Dogs May Kill Me to see just how much she loves me)

I went into the kid’s bathroom today and found something so alarming… toilet paper upside down on the holder.  

The civilized world understands that the paper should lay on top of the roll, but in my fuss over mathematics and grammar, I have forgotten to pass along the fundamental truths.
I feel like I have failed them but the situation has been rectified and a demonstration of proper paper protocol has been given.

A parent’s job is never done.

#PaperProtocol 

#AtLeastTheyTried

#OutrageouslyOrdinary 

After a great first day of school, I got the kids home to hear all about it and never once heard that their backpack choice made a difference in their day… that the clothes we bought or didn’t buy made it all come together… that the new shoes gave them any kind of special power to make their day awesome… or even that the incredible healthy, organized lunch made them instantly smarter.

What I heard was:

“Mom!  My team won the basketball game and my friend and I helped each other sink shots!”

“I made a new friend!  She’s new to school so I sat with her so she wouldn’t be lonely.”

“A first grader got lost this morning and I showed him how I remembered my class when I was little.”

“My teacher gave us jobs today so I get to help her!”

First lesson of the school year –

All the worry about getting them ready was for nothing.  The most important school supply they took with them was kindness.  I’m trying to raise my children to be people that can make a difference in the world.  It may be baby steps now, but the momentum is growing right along with their shoe size.

I am one seriously proud mama today.

#FirstLessonOfTheYear

#Kindness

#PositivityProject

#OutrageouslyOrdinary

Our school-free summer is over and I have run into a few things that I forget every year around this time:

1. The to-do list of house projects that seemed 100% feasible at the beginning of the summer, seems insanely impossible at the end of summer.
2.  I may start buying into the fad diets that cut bread from every meal – I think all the yeast is making my children grow too fast.  The growth spurts are making capri pants and halter tops all the rage here.
3. I have gotten much better about hitting the alarm on my phone and going back to sleep for a minute… or 45… which should serve me well during the first week of school.
4. I am amazed at the time and energy I put into the organization of my children’s colorfully, wonderfully healthy lunches in the week before school starts.  They will go from cucumber slices to left over pizza slices in a month, but it was the thought that counts.
5. The crockpot gets a new lease on life around this time because working “real” hours while kicking up the extracurricular kid activities makes even prison slop look good at the end of the day.
6. My referee shirt is worn and tattered after two and a half months of my children being together.  They are sweet kids, but their eyes have started twitching when the other one walks in the room.
7. The remote control can do so much more than change channels.  It is a bargaining chip, a plea bargain, a toy, a weapon, an opportunity, a taunting tool, a hockey puck – the list is endless really.
8. I’m done with fun in the sun, or at least the sweaty funk of the laundry that the sun causes.  I’m tired of the hamper constantly being damp from socks that have run for miles at the park on a hot day or shirts that are sticky with ice cream after having jumped at the bounce house place for an hour.  Oh, the smell.
9. I miss the freedom to go where ever we want, whenever we want. I got used to that amazing feeling, even if we didn’t go anywhere, I knew we could.  Now that it’s gone I feel like I should be getting condolence cards in the mail for a loved one’s passing.
10.  Why is it that during the summer these children will wake up at 6am, wide awake and at full throttle, but school starts and I am having to physically remove them from the bed at 7am while listening to groans and muttering of them needing 10 more minutes of sleep?  Payback’s tough kid, get up!

Cheers to another school year and another chance for our kids to get smarter than we are!  Good luck this morning!

#SummerAmnesia

#SchoolStartsToday

#GoodLuckParents

#OutrageouslyOrdinary

Current situation: eating a cookie for dinner, after eating pizza for lunch, while driving to Pilates to pay someone to burn it all off of me. 

The cycle makes perfect sense to me.

#OutrageouslyOrdinary 

#LunchLaughsAtMiltonsPizza

#WineWillBeDessert

#TheresMethodToMyMaddness

Below is the text I just sent The Good Doctor (aka: my mom) in appreciation of a recent purchase for me…

Thank you so much for the new bathing suit top! It was a little tight going on but, once in place, had my boobs standing at a solid 6 inch advantage from where they had been hanging out on the south side.  I looked like a busted can of biscuits, but in a very pretty blue pattern.  It was only then that I looked at the tag to read JUNIORS Medium.  There was nothing to do at that point but wiggle my way out of it, trying my best not to tear the fabric or amputate any important parts.  The shoulders were tricky, but I used my Pilates stretches and a downward dog pose to inch it up.  Once the suit stretched to its maximum capacity, it gave birth to the rest of me, leaving behind a road rash of polyester burn and tag scrapes. But I’m not complaining, I rocked that Juniors Medium for a minute and even took a breath or two while in it. Thanks for the vote of confidence, next time let’s try a petite small just to keep things interesting.

Love, 

Junior

The Good Doctor’s response to my Sports Illustrated swimsuit 2017 experience…

I’ll bet you looked great!  Breathing is overrated. 

Maybe I should have Face-timed her to fully explain the Chris Farley look that bathing suit created for me, but it seemed mean at the time. You can’t unsee something like that.

#BustedCanOfBiscuits

#TrueStory

#AlwaysLookForTheBrightSide

#ThanksClubPilates

#ChrisFarley

#OutrageouslyOrdinary