Outrageously Ordinary

I made a quick trip to the pharmacy today to pick up a prescription. While I was waiting for it to be filled, I walked around the store to find anything I couldn’t live without. I was looking at shampoo that will make me look like Blake Lively when I saw a man pull his mask away from his face to cough. With a deep sigh and an eye roll, I went back to my shampoo.  

A minute later he coughed again and for whatever reason, I looked up curious if he would do it again. Nope. This time he was noodling for the big one, knuckle deep up his nose. He smiled at me and said, “Sorry, I have a tickle in my throat.” Impressive. 

As he is placing the mask back on his face, the inside flashes just long enough for me to see something curious.  I put Blake down and walk up to him, “Sir, is that a maxi pad on the inside of your mask?” “Sure is.” “Just out of curiosity… why?” “Oh, well my girlfriend told me this mask is too thin and I didn’t have another one so she gave me this.”

At this point my eyes are watering from keeping my laugh in, when he says with a chuckle, “I don’t recommend it though, it’s so hard to breathe in this thing.”  His chuckle let my laugh loose, “Is your girlfriend here?” “Sure is, she’s in the car.” “She didn’t come in with you?” “No.” “Well maybe next time you can borrow her mask and wear that one under yours.”

Then I watched the light bulb go off.  

I love a good epiphany.

#OutrageouslyOrdinary

My conversation with the 10 year old:

“Mom, I don’t think I have enough serotonin.”

“Umm, do you know what that is?”

“Yeah, and I don’t think I have enough.”

“Are you missing your friends?”

“No, I don’t think I’ve had enough ice cream this week.”

“Ah, well, better go get a bowl.”

“I never thought that would work! Thanks mom!”

#Serotonin #MyGuy #IceCream #Bryers #Happiness #SweetTooth #OutrageouslyOrdinary

One of my most embarrassing moments in life was when Santa Claus left days of the week underwear in my stocking for all to see on Christmas morning.

I could really use those during quarantine.

#WhatDayIsIt #QuarantineDays #OutrageouslyOrdinary

The Daught and I were up late giggling and making up stories last night. She is my quiet tween charmer so whenever she is in the mood to talk, I jump at the opportunity to hear the pearls of sarcasm she has to share, even if it is WAY past bedtime.

So we’re cuddled up in my bed, talking over the trials and tribulations of wearing a bra everyday, when a shadow caught my eye. I sat up to watch for it, while she laughed at me for being old and seeing things.

Then she saw it… Staring at us… Waiting to make its next move… A fuzzy little germ bag with a ridiculously long tail and beady black eyes.

As soon as I moved, it used it’s mousey magicians hat to disappear down the hallway. That’s when I hear The Daught, who is standing on my bed at this point, say “Let me get some things out of my room before we burn this place and rebuild.”

She’s definitely my daughter.

#PitterPatterOfLittleFeet #TheDaught #NightOwl #SarcasmAndSillyGiggles #TerminexTerminatedIt #MouseInTheHouseNoMore #OutrageouslyOrdinary

Hello again! It’s been quite a while since my last post, and I’ve missed you! Life has been in fast forward these last few months – except January. January seemed to crawl by like a slug on a salt stick.  And May.  May undoubtedly won the butt kicking contest this school year.

But now we’re in the middle of June, the beginning of summer break, and what my children like to call, the end of mandatory daily bathing.  This is a time when kids can be carefree and enjoy all the down time they missed while working so hard between tests.  It’s also a time when their little personalities can shine through the magic of more sleep (hopefully).

I was in line at a store today returning a few late night on-line regrets.  The cashier we were blessed with was less than thrilled to be behind the counter today, and even less excited to have customers.  She was doing little to help a clearly exhausted parent wrangling three children and a teething baby, who was holding an expired receipt for the item she was trying to return.  One boy was winning the knuckle-in-nostril competition, one boy was doing his best to convince a mannequin that he was “fwee” and the baby was drooling to the point that a wet floor warning sign was going to be necessary soon.

And then there was Hank.  Hank watched his mom doing her best to make this a successfully quick trip but was desperate to get her attention.  I knelt down to offer a distraction from mom when I heard him say “Mommy, I’m going to give you to three to look at me.  I can only hold this poop in for a little while.”

I stood back up and grinned at mom, “Sorry, I can’t do much to help with that.”

Hank looked at me with truth in his eyes and a megaphone level voice, “You know, you have to sit down when you poop.  It doesn’t work when you stand up.”

“You’re very wise, my man. Very wise.”

I’m happy to report that the cashier got the giggles and let mom return her items, Hank made it to the bathroom with time to spare and no one slipped on the baby pool of drool.

Cheers to that mom for doing it all with a smile!

#PleaseBeSeated #KidsSayTheDarndestThings #ChildrenCrackMeUp #Truth #KindnessCounts #OtherPeopleMatter #SummerTimeSchedule #KidsAreComedians #ThatMomRocks #OutrageouslyOrdinary

 

 

I am determined to get back into shape after the year I’ve had.  I just want to feel like “me” again, with a little more energy, a little more saucy, and a lot more muscle. I acknowledge that my truly saucy twenties are long gone but I’m hoping my forties will bring a new level of oomph.  So imagine my surprise when I was at the gym tonight and caught someone staring at my backside.  I thought I was going crazy, but when I switched machines, I saw a row of eyes checking out the steps I was taking on the jelly leg machine (that’s what I call the elliptical).  I’m not going to lie to you, I felt a little pep in my step.  With the Pointer Sisters singing how excited they were for me in my headphones, I shook it without shame for the first time in a long time.  By the time I hit the weights, row machine, and pretty much every corner of the gym, I felt a little of my old saucy come back.  I got to the locker room feeling like a million bucks.  I looked in the full length mirror and the ego I was going to have trouble fitting in the car deflated like a week old birthday balloon.  The workout pants I had on have mesh netting going up the thigh.  I washed them specifically to wear tonight but obviously should have added another dryer sheet to the laundry load.  Underneath the mesh, pressed perfectly against my leg, was a pair of my son’s Captain Underpants underwear, with the logo perfectly displayed for everyone to check out… definitely stare worthy, just not the attention I was hoping for.  #CaptainUnderpants  #CaptainUnderpantsIsMyWingMan #JellyLegMachine #PepInMyStep #ThisIsForty #OutrageouslyOrdinary

I hope your day is spent grateful, loved and stuffed!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Mom tip I’ve learned #184,905

My kids are a little shy and my son’s best friend moved, leaving him to make new friends at school. He told me that lunch was kind of quiet at his table, no one really talked to each other “except for the people who still had best friends there.” It broke my heart so I started putting riddles in his lunch to spark conversation. Now the table begs him to read the latest riddle and they spend lunchtime working together to figure them out!

#MomTip #OutrageouslyOrdinary

While being completely adorable tonight, My Guy told me that I’m not old, I’ve just existed for a long time.

Wow.

#Wow #MyGuy #DeepThoughtsByJackHandy #FromTheMouthOfBabes #LOL #AgingSemiGracefully #IfHeWerentSoCute #OutrageouslyOrdinary

I love the way my kids think…

The Daught – When I grow up and get married, I want a big garage the man can fix things in.

Me – I heard a rumor that women can fix things too.

The Daught – Yeah, but I don’t wanna. He can do it, and have a whole room to keep his mess in.

Then later…

My Guy – How long have you been on hold with Spectrum, mom?

Me – Almost an hour.

My Guy – Does that count as cyber bullying?

Me – Yes. Yes it does.

My Guy – you want me to give it a go? I can probably fix it before they can.

Me – Yes. Yes I do.

And he did.

#KidThoughts #Goofball #TheDaught #MyGuy #KidsSayTheDarndestThings #OutrageouslyOrdinary