I am determined to get back into shape after the year I’ve had. I just want to feel like “me” again, with a little more energy, a little more saucy, and a lot more muscle. I acknowledge that my truly saucy twenties are long gone but I’m hoping my forties will bring a new level of oomph. So imagine my surprise when I was at the gym tonight and caught someone staring at my backside. I thought I was going crazy, but when I switched machines, I saw a row of eyes checking out the steps I was taking on the jelly leg machine (that’s what I call the elliptical). I’m not going to lie to you, I felt a little pep in my step. With the Pointer Sisters singing how excited they were for me in my headphones, I shook it without shame for the first time in a long time. By the time I hit the weights, row machine, and pretty much every corner of the gym, I felt a little of my old saucy come back. I got to the locker room feeling like a million bucks. I looked in the full length mirror and the ego I was going to have trouble fitting in the car deflated like a week old birthday balloon. The workout pants I had on have mesh netting going up the thigh. I washed them specifically to wear tonight but obviously should have added another dryer sheet to the laundry load. Underneath the mesh, pressed perfectly against my leg, was a pair of my son’s Captain Underpants underwear, with the logo perfectly displayed for everyone to check out… definitely stare worthy, just not the attention I was hoping for. #CaptainUnderpants #CaptainUnderpantsIsMyWingMan #JellyLegMachine #PepInMyStep #ThisIsForty #OutrageouslyOrdinary
I hope your day is spent grateful, loved and stuffed!
Mom tip I’ve learned #184,905
My kids are a little shy and my son’s best friend moved, leaving him to make new friends at school. He told me that lunch was kind of quiet at his table, no one really talked to each other “except for the people who still had best friends there.” It broke my heart so I started putting riddles in his lunch to spark conversation. Now the table begs him to read the latest riddle and they spend lunchtime working together to figure them out!
While being completely adorable tonight, My Guy told me that I’m not old, I’ve just existed for a long time.
#Wow #MyGuy #DeepThoughtsByJackHandy #FromTheMouthOfBabes #LOL #AgingSemiGracefully #IfHeWerentSoCute #OutrageouslyOrdinary
I love the way my kids think…
The Daught – When I grow up and get married, I want a big garage the man can fix things in.
Me – I heard a rumor that women can fix things too.
The Daught – Yeah, but I don’t wanna. He can do it, and have a whole room to keep his mess in.
My Guy – How long have you been on hold with Spectrum, mom?
Me – Almost an hour.
My Guy – Does that count as cyber bullying?
Me – Yes. Yes it does.
My Guy – you want me to give it a go? I can probably fix it before they can.
Me – Yes. Yes I do.
And he did.
#KidThoughts #Goofball #TheDaught #MyGuy #KidsSayTheDarndestThings #OutrageouslyOrdinary
The Daught, also known as “Quick Wit”, sent me this today… the next generation of sarcasm continues…
Earlier today, I was helping a teacher at school drag a million pounds of something to the teachers lounge.
I was push she was pull.
Might I add, that pushing a million pounds of something is like lifting 6 weights with the benches?!?!
Anyway, we finally got it to the teachers lounge, and I immediately collapsed (what would you have done?!).
Talk about an old lady moment. Mom goes to the gym, I get stuck with P.E. You’d think that would be enough, right? Nope. More work. It’s not happening, but I guess you can laugh at the 11 year old who struggles to hold the milk.
She said, “I knew we could do it!” My response: “I get that we did it, and that’s great, but I really hope that there is a million pounds of, like, candy in here. I feel like I earned at least one Smarties.” She laughed, “Sure, sure. But we are not done quite yet.” I was totally bummed. I tried not to show it though, that would have been rude.
“I want to put it on that chair so it’s not in the middle of the floor,” she said.
If I wasn’t mistaken (I’m not), that would mean LIFTING the million pounds of something.
…10 SECONDS LATER…
We lifted it to the chair, “I am officially convinced. You are a wizard.” said she.
And holy moly, I just met She-Ra’s sister.
#TheSarcasmContinues #NextGeneration #QuickWit #TheDaught #SoProudOfMyGirl #AMillionPoundsOfSomething #WeLoveSheRa #OutrageouslyOrdinary
The irony of my weekend staring at me from my nightstand.