Busted Can of Biscuits 

Below is the text I just sent The Good Doctor (aka: my mom) in appreciation of a recent purchase for me…

Thank you so much for the new bathing suit top! It was a little tight going on but, once in place, had my boobs standing at a solid 6 inch advantage from where they had been hanging out on the south side.  I looked like a busted can of biscuits, but in a very pretty blue pattern.  It was only then that I looked at the tag to read JUNIORS Medium.  There was nothing to do at that point but wiggle my way out of it, trying my best not to tear the fabric or amputate any important parts.  The shoulders were tricky, but I used my Pilates stretches and a downward dog pose to inch it up.  Once the suit stretched to its maximum capacity, it gave birth to the rest of me, leaving behind a road rash of polyester burn and tag scrapes. But I’m not complaining, I rocked that Juniors Medium for a minute and even took a breath or two while in it. Thanks for the vote of confidence, next time let’s try a petite small just to keep things interesting.

Love, 

Junior

The Good Doctor’s response to my Sports Illustrated swimsuit 2017 experience…

I’ll bet you looked great!  Breathing is overrated. 

Maybe I should have Face-timed her to fully explain the Chris Farley look that bathing suit created for me, but it seemed mean at the time. You can’t unsee something like that.

#BustedCanOfBiscuits

#TrueStory

#AlwaysLookForTheBrightSide

#ThanksClubPilates

#ChrisFarley

#OutrageouslyOrdinary 

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