We are headed to the beach tomorrow so I’m baking homemade treats for our vacation. I’m about to spend a week in bathing suits and this house smells like going up a pant size would be worth it…

I may hide the string bikini this year.

#BeachBaking #TemptingTreats #BakingForTheKids #ButterMakesEverythingBetter #SnickerdoodlesAreMyFavorite #BrowniesAreNext #Risky #ChocolateBringsPeopleTogether #OutrageouslyOrdinary

I have gone through this whole day thinking it was Saturday. It wasn’t until a sweet friend laughed/corrected me that I realized I had been given an extra day of weekend leisure. I have no plans, the children are at the lake so I have a quiet house… my first thought… I can get all the laundry done.

Oh, how my 20’s would cry if they knew what wild times were ahead.

#OldLadyDays #LaundryNeverEnds #MomPlans #FatPants #WineForDinner #OutrageouslyOrdinary

Some days I feel young and energetic, like the world is my oyster… other days, I get invited to join the seniors club.

#AARP #HappyBirthdayToMe #ThisIsNotGoodPR #OldLadyMail #IDontFeelOldEnoughForThis #HeresAFreeBagForYourEnsure #OutrageouslyOrdinary

It’s only Monday and I’ve already heard my favorite quote of the week.

I was making breakfast for the babes and My Guy says, “Mom, I just love you so much.”

I dropped the spoon in the muffin batter for a big hug. “I love you so much too buddy.”

He looks up at me with a goofy smile, “I’m so glad that worked out. It could have been awkward living together.”

#MyGuy #FromTheMouthsOfBabes #SummerTimeSchedule #LotsOfLoveInOurHouse #MuffinKindOfMorning #OutrageouslyOrdinary

Here’s an insight into my crazy… I tend to personify things that wouldn’t have a voice without my help.

It’s a service, really.

This morning the dogs went outside to stretch their legs and have their morning constitutional. They were out there mere moments when the wind dared to blow and Dottie the dog ran into the yard barking to protect us all.

I happened to be standing at the door watching and in a thick Russian accent said, “I break the wind, your wind will not blow in my presence.”

I can’t explain where the Russian accent came from, but I turned around to both of my children in tears, laughing breathlessly.

“Mom! You just said you break wind!”

I’m always here to entertain.

#BreakWind #TheDaught #MyGuy #ChildrensLaughterIsPrecious #TheAccentMadeItFunnier #Family #OutrageouslyOrdinary

The kids are at Vacation Bible School this week which means I have 3 glorious hours every day to do whatever I want. I want to plant flowers… the yard apparently does not like what I bought.

I hate clay and rock. Especially at 98 degrees.

#ClayAndRock #Roses #Determined #YardWork #Flowers #KobaltCantHandleMyYard #OutrageouslyOrdinary

I woke up last night to the piercing siren of a low battery in a fire alarm. I staggered down the hall, following the awful noise to the kitchen. I looked up to see can lights but no alarm going off. I walked into the hall. No alarm. The living room. No alarm. Dining room. Nothing.

I headed back to the kitchen, hearing the volume go up, slurring four letter words. No alarm. So I started the search again.

5 MINUTES LATER – ears ringing, dogs whining, ready to drive away and leave the 3am sensory attack behind me – I see the flashing light of the alarm tucked behind the candy jar on the counter.

And then it hit me… I took it down last week to change the battery to prevent this very situation but didn’t have the right size batteries.

It mysteriously broke last night so now I need a new alarm and more batteries.

#Piercing #EarsStillRinging #NapWhileKidsAreAtVBS #FireSafety #HomeDepotHasEverythingINeed #OutrageouslyOrdinary

Saturday night. Date night. So, naturally, I’m at the movies with my mother.

About three quarters of the way into Book Club, watching Candice Bergen portray my future on the big screen, I scratch my arm and find an ant. As this was the third or fourth ant I had killed, I used the flashlight on my phone to investigate the chair.

What I found was a colony of ants teaming up to eat the bucket of nastiness that used to be popcorn.

What’s worse, because I had been sitting next to the scavenger party for an hour, they had lovingly accepted me as one of their own and were all over me. All. Over. Me.

I went to the bathroom to sweep the bodies off of me, only to find them everywhere. Every. Where.

After a few minutes in the stall to check for rogue ants, I headed for the concession stand to find a manager. A 12 year old in a suit walked up to me and listened to me retell the massacre that had just happened in the bathroom.

“Huh… That’s never happened before. I’ll get you some passes.”

“Random things like this happen to me all the time. Polite pass on the tickets though. This will always be the place where I had to sweep ants from my pants.”

#AntsInMyPants #MovieNightLaughs #DateNight #BookClub #Hilarious #ChristainGreyTemptsAllAges #FiftyShadesOfGrey #CandiceBergen #MurphyBrown #ILoveToLaugh #OutrageouslyOrdinary

I remember wondering why my parents would ask me to turn the volume down on my keyboard when I was young. I mean, why wouldn’t they want to hear my spicy rendition of Chopsticks again? Or a little Starship, “We Built This City”? Classic.

Now my children are taking piano and guitar lessons and I have a better understanding of the patience they had while I was perfecting my gift for creating chords.

Only, there is no volume control on our piano and the Can-Can is playing over and over again while My Guy practices… and then again in my head for hours after he’s done.

I may have to dust off the old keyboard and find old school headphones… He jams like a rockstar… I don’t go to the looney bin (quite yet).

#CanCanWeTakeABreak #TheCanCan #LoveMusicInTheHouse #MyGuyIsOnKeyboard #PianoLessonsAreFun #TheDaughtIsOnGuitar #MusiciansLearningCenter

Thank you to those who have served the greater good, sacrificed their safety for mine, and believed in the freedom of the flag. Happy Memorial Day!