#RiddleMeThat

#MotherhoodIsHardEnough

#PullYourPantsUp

One night this week, I was leaning back in my chair after dinner, enjoying an in-depth conversation with my son about the new rules of playground basketball and, of course, Pokemon.

Side note – is it just me, or do you feel like being forced to listen to the Barney theme song all day, every day, is a fair trade for the destruction of the Pokemon dynasty?  We’re going to have to build out the east wing of this tiny house to store all these cards.

Back to the story – I was completely comfortable in my own skin, with a full belly of homemade deliciousness, the most precious boy on earth chatting with me and a good glass of wine to take the edge off a hard day (little did I know I would be skipping through the (next) day).

We were wrapping up the conversation when he looks at me with a giggle and says “You look like you have a baby in your belly.”

I looked down in shock – “What?!  Do not!”

“You do, but it’s ok, it’s just because you ate a lot of dinner…  But can we have a baby?”

I have not had “the talk” with my son yet so he doesn’t realize just how impossible that idea is.  “I would love to darlin’, but no, we can’t have any babies.”

“Oh, I don’t want babies mom.  That’s too many.  Just one.  And it needs to be a boy, I’ve got a sister… we don’t need to go there again.”

And with that, he got up from the dining room table like his words had set the plan in motion.

Let’s just pray he doesn’t mention this in his letter to Santa later this year.

#OhBaby

#MyBabiesArentBabiesAnymore

#LoveOurDinnerTimeTalks

#LittleBrothersHaveItHard

 

Oh my, what a day…

As I’m sure you have many more important things to think about, I will skip the part where I didn’t sit down between the hours of 6am and 4pm.  If I had known the car ride to work would be my only real chance to sit, I would have kicked on the heated seats and had a spa moment.

I will skip the part of my afternoon when my button popped off my pants as I was fastening them and flew across the room, never to be seen again, leaving the hook to brave it alone because earlier that morning I broke the zipper.

I will skip the part where I finally got my breakfast out at 11am, to watch it knocked over by a child trying to give me a handmade card, who then helped clean it up with his own little fingers after I had watched him pick his nose on the way into the office.

I will skip all of that and go straight to the icing on the cake.  Someone was hurt at work today and being the dutiful doctor’s daughter, I was first in line to help with the bloody injuries.  (My mother would point out here how squeamish I was when I was younger … age, multiple surgeries, and having children alter what makes you queasy).

I thought I had gotten the bleeding to stop but a big sneeze sent a whole new wave of blood skydiving right for my shirt.  I spent the next few minutes packing gauze in all of the right places, and several minutes after that, looking for something to change in to.  Since there isn’t a spare wardrobe just for me anywhere near by, I settled for an old t-shirt I found in the closet.

This t-shirt would have been too small for my daughter, but there I stood in the bathroom fighting with the suddenly stretched cotton to contain everything it was never made to cover.  I surveyed the results of my struggles and couldn’t decide whether to laugh or cry at the image of me at work looking like a busted can of biscuits in this tiny shirt and open-fly pants.

The white shirt was screaming for mercy and showing everything God gave me underneath.  The hook on my pants was fighting for it’s life with no help from the zipper or button that went awol.

I spent a solid 45 minutes in this sad state of affairs, watching the stares and grins, until a generous colleague took pity on me.  He offered an extra t-shirt he had and encouraged me to change into a grown up size clothes.

Oh my, what a day…

On the flip side, did you know Outback delivers now?  The delivery boy didn’t understand my tears of joy when he handed me my first meal of the day, but he’s young.  He’ll understand one day.

#SkippingThroughTheDay

#ThosePantsAreInTheDonationPile

#MothersCantBeSqueamish

#IWouldLoveToBeNormalForJustOneDay

#OutbackDelivers

 

Children seem to be born with an innate knowledge of technology.  They know exactly how to rearrange and delete apps before they have eaten their first jar of applesauce.  They go to kindergarten using iPads and tablets better than any baby boomer I’ve met.  They meet fellow five year old savants in class, comparing high definition games that make the atari that we loved look about as high tech as the claw machine at an arcade.

My kids came home talking about a new site today that has different educational games.  “Please can we try it?  Pleeeeeeeeeeease?”  After my day, I just wanted to sit for a second so I caved and got the computer out.

Half an hour goes by, and they are helping each other beat the next level of a game that focused on hand-eye coordination.  The perfect time for me to rest my eyes a while.  They asked me to watch them for the “awesome part” and made it to the finish line.  That’s when they told me to try it. I thought How hard could it be?…. Pah!

I “died” about a second after it started.  They both laughed out loud and said to try it again.

I “died” about a second after it started.  They both laughed a little and said to try it again.

I “died” about a second after it started.  They both looked at me with sadness and pity and said to try it again.

I “died” about a second after it started.  My son took the laptop from me and said “It’s ok mom, there is an easier version for little kids on here somewhere.  You can try that one.”

 

I felt like a monkey with a light box…

#DoNotCompute

#MonkeyCouldHaveLastedLonger

#TechnologyIsTheFuture

#GenerationZ

 

 

I am sitting in my sun room listening to the rain outside.  The thunder has never scared me, I’ve loved storms since I was young.  Other than watching lightning over the ocean, this is my perfect spot.  The rain relaxes me.  The louder the thunder, the quieter I get.  I don’t analyze or overthink things during storms, they force me to be quiet and still.  The whole house is quiet and still.  Peace.

Except, of course, for the chain saws my children are operating in their sleep.  They have both been a little stuffed up today but clearly I should have gotten the vacuum out before they went to bed to suck some of that out of their noses.  It’s a battle of the loggers back there, and as far as I can tell they are neck and neck.  It would be funny if it wasn’t getting louder and they weren’t waking each other up.

So, here I sit in my sun room, listening to the rain outside and the sawing inside.  They are young enough to still make it cute though…

Until I lay down to go to sleep and they start waking me up.  It won’t be cute then.

#SawStorm

#SpringAllergies

#LoveToCuddleUpAndWatchStorms

#NoseSprayTomorrowNight

 

OutrageouslyOrdinary.com started less than a year ago, but has become such a fun part of my day thanks to you!  Over 10,000 of you, in 22 countries, have “listened” to me rant about my kooky, crazy parenting and the wonderfully random things that happen to make me laugh.

Parenting is hard.  It’s incredible and wonderful, but it’s hard.  There is no such thing as a perfect parent.  There is no manual to guide you through the ups and downs.  There is no way of knowing if your choices were right, even if made with good intentions.

But I see it all differently now.  The last few months have taught me to focus on the fun, to highlight the humor and not waste time with the worry if I don’t have to.  This site has provided a community of people who share their lives with me and take a piece of the single parent loneliness away.  I love the stories you send and that you try to make me feel “normal” – please keep them coming!

So thank you for reading.  Thank you for emailing.  And a big thank you for sharing this site with your friends and family.

Until the next misadventure…

#ThankYou

#HumorAndWineHelpTheHardTimes

#ParentingMisadventures

#OutrageouslyOrdinary

 

 

 

My children can be cuddling and loving one minute, and arguing like their lives depend on it the next.  I know it’s an occupational hazard of being a sibling, but listening to it escalate makes me a little nuts – especially when the argument is over something completely and utterly stupid.

“My shirt is blue!”  “Nuh-uh!  Your shirt is baby blue!”

Stupid.

But one argument I always find entertaining is what I now call the Great Debate…

Who is better?

She-Ra or He-Man.

I can’t help but sit back with a handful of popcorn and a big 80’s kid grin, and watch them go back and forth about the many strengths and talents of these characters.  But tonight, I am excited to tell you the gauntlet was thrown and they declared a winner.

My son was defending He-Man and listing the characteristics of the ultimate hero.  His muscles, his heart, his sword, his pet, his friends, the list went on and on.  He was blue in the face and so proud of himself for being able to shut his sister up.

What he didn’t know was that my daughter was having a moment of clarity.  She sat there quietly listening to the mile-long list.  When he was done, she smiled the “I’m about to put you in your place” smile and said –

“She-Ra does all of that, but she does it in heels.”

Mic drop.

They shook hands, cementing the win.

#TheGreatDebate

#IRockedSheRaForHalloween

#HowDidNoOneKnowHeManWasAdam

#ILoveWhenMyKidsWatchMyCartoons

#EightiesKid

I had a revelation today… nothing worth muting the TV over, just a little something. 

I, along with several others, have been working hard on my kids school carnival for the last few weeks.  I was happy to help, loved it actually, and am proud to say we raised thousands of dollars for a school that I really believe in.  

The day of the carnival was spent hustling and bustling, and passed in a blink. When families started arriving I wasn’t technically ready, but used my powers of distraction that came with my motherhood membership card until it was perfect. 

I ran around all night, along with the carnival committee’s Awesome Squad, putting out fires and making it all seem flawless to the 500 people walking the grounds. 

At 10p, I realized I had forgotten to eat dinner, hadn’t had anything to drink in hours and the three hours of sleep I had gotten the night before was (shockingly) wearing off … I felt old. Elated, grateful and proud of all our hard work, but old.

Where did the energy go? I pulled all-nighters all the time in college without the dark circles, brain haze or coffee addiction.  I pulled them again with both kids and although it slowed me down a little, I bounced back in a minute and was ready for more.

It has now taken me a full weekend of early bed times, naps and sleeping in until 8am (that’s late in our house) to reverse the exhaustion. I feel human again but may need a cane to make it through Monday.

So the epiphany is: the treadmill is no time machine.  All the work I’ve been doing to tighten and tone the flab and dimples is no match for a hard 16 hour day.  

For now, I’m headed back to the coffee pot and am saying prayers of thanks for a rainy day that almost requires cuddles on the couch and lazy day card games with the kids.

#CarnivalCanesAndCoffee

#WhereDoesTheTimeGo

#ElementartySchoolCarnivalSuccess

#ParentingAtPublicSchools