#SandInPlaces

#SensitiveExfoliation

#BeachLife

#OutrageouslyOrdinary 

#IceScream

#AloeAndIBprofen

#OutrageouslyOrdinary 

I am at the beach without children for this glorious Memorial Day weekend. I miss my children so much and keep seeing things that remind me of how much fun we would have here together.

But…

Today I saw a mother walk to the beach holding 2 umbrellas, 2 beach chairs, a cooler, a bag full of towels and the youngest of their crew who didn’t feel like walking anymore, all while the kids held their flip flops.

I saw another mother arguing with her three children about why they had to wear sunscreen, all while trying to catch them and smear the lotion on them in record time – and then go through it all over again two hours later.

I heard a child crying the “tired cry” and watched as mom tried to console and encourage nap time under an umbrella.

And last but not least, I saw a mother playing referee after one child ruined the sandcastle of her other child, who then chased their brother around with murder in her eyes.

All of this while I sat still with no one to chase or feed or tend to…

Sunburn was my punishment for enjoying the gluttony a little too much.

#MomBurn

#INeedEightySPF

#NowINeedAloe

#OutrageouslyOrdinary 

#HotInABadWay

#ChubRubIsReal

#OutrageouslyOrdinary

I’m not sure where to start with this story – it wasn’t a bad day, just a one thing after another kind of day.  I went into an advanced pilates class grateful to be focusing on something else.  I left an advanced pilates class grateful to make it to the car on wobbling legs and arms that could barely lift keys.

I got in the car and threw my Gumby arms on the wheel hoping they would be enough to drive home.  I made it all the way to the house before I remembered that we’re out of milk.  We go through about two gallons a week so the addiction is real.

Out of the driveway I went, and to the store I drove.  An interesting mix of breeds shop “after hours”.  People watching is always a favorite of mine, but the day was wearing on me.  I moved out of slow motion into a slightly faster version of snail pace and got a few things.  How is it that a few things always ends up costing $40?

I aimed at self checkout to avoid an overflowing cart, pushed by an overwhelmed young mother enjoying her few minutes away from a crazy house.  I hate self checkout but with only a few things, it would get me home faster.  I scanned and bagged everything then set the milk down to swipe the old credit card.  And that’s when the milk fell off the shelf and went splish splash everywhere.

In an effort to control the spill I double bagged the gallon and put it in a football hold.  I made it home with a little more than a half gallon of milk and a wet lap.   Loaded down with bags, purse, leaking milk and jelly legs and arms, I put everything down to find a pitcher for the milk.

By the time I found one there was milk all over the stove.  I dumped the remains of the gallon into the pitcher as fast as I could.  And that’s when I saw the remains of something else pour into the pitcher and start swirling around.

A dead spider, about the size of a quarter, was floating around with it’s legs stretched out like it was on vacation.  I stood there blinking at the pitcher, with steady drops of milk falling to my feet and a steady stream of bad words flowing through my mind.

Why do things like this happen to me?  (Remember Popping the Bubbly)

I can find the grateful in this story – if I hadn’t dropped the milk, I wouldn’t have poured it in a pitcher or seen a body floating in the jug.

But what do I do with it now?  The body has been buried (in the trash can) but the milk is in the fridge.  Do I pour it out and buy another gallon?  I’m too cheap for that.  Do I pretend it never happened and drink it through the gagging?  I’m too grossed out for that.

The children don’t know any of this… is it wrong to give them the bug milk?

#DeadBodiesAndDecisions

#IDontLikeNatureInMyHouse

#NotMyKindOfProtein

#OutrageouslyOrdinary

 

The kids are with their dad this weekend so I made sure to get some great cuddle time in this afternoon. My sweet girl (Sporty Spice) even offered to do something she knows I love.  But what happened next was a memory for the books.

When your daughter is precious and asks to play with your hair…

When you get to pay her back…

They aren’t exactly frame-worthy but we laughed like goofballs. 

#MyNewUpdo

#ILovePlayingWithThem

#AllElectronicsOff

#OutrageouslyOrdinary

Your Snapple fact for the day – 

Did you know there are one million ants for every one person in the world. True story.

Every spring these little suckers get in my house and every spring I go on an ant rampage to get them out. 

I am standing in my kitchen waiting for the coffee to brew and the sun to come up.  In my morning blur I spotted five tiny ants on the floor.  I hear ya, five is no big deal. But I can hear the Jaws theme in my head and know their receiving line of cousins is around here somewhere.  I’m standing here trying to unfocus my eyes so I can find movement.  If the kids wake up, they will find their crazy-eyed mother holding a spray bottle like a mob boss with a vendetta.  

So if you come over and think you smell a clean house, just know it’s my Clorox death spray (it’s what was handy at the time).

#AntMarchInMay

#AntsMakeMeCrazy

#CloroxHasSoManyUses

#IJustNeedMyCoffee

With her permission, I want to share a friend’s texts with you.  This is a wonderfully sarcastic person who has devoted her life to working with children.  She is also a fun aunt who invites her nephews over for a weekend full of adventures so their parents can spend some quality time together.  With three boys to keep up with, I can only imagine they sleep for two days.

For the parents out there, the below is an affirmation of where the black circles, back aches and pizza orders come from.  You can’t explain to a singleton (someone without children) what exhaustion is because they have no concept of the energy you are trying to keep up with.  You can’t explain the frustrations to them because they have never found themselves trying to rationalize with a four year old.

What we can do as parents is sit back and laugh while the singletons experience a glimpse into the joys of parenting, and allow them to be baptized by fire so that they get a taste of our every day lives and maybe gain some insight into why we look crazy some days.

The first text came on Friday night, about two hours into the weekend…

I love these boys.  One of them asked if I could rock him.  Um sure bud, can you hold this box of tissues while I sob into my hands over how sweet you are?

The next text came around 8am on Saturday morning…

These boys have been up since 4:45am.  We ate breakfast an hour ago.  I’m going to take them to a playground, then bowling, then painting.  It’s going to be a fun day!

And another text around 2pm…

Holy hell.  This is not like school.

And another one around dinner time, 5:30pm…

Making pizza dough and sauce from scratch with ingredients from the farmer’s market.  Healthy, nothing processed, blah blah blah.  They don’t like the pizza.  It tastes weird.  :$

And again at bed time, around 8pm…

Just got them in bed.  Whew.  There are no words to describe the tired.

At 8:30pm…

Current situation – little one’s foot was hanging out of his sleeping bag so middle one bit his toe.  Oh. My. God.  That settles it, I’m going to need a house with more bedrooms for next time.

Having collapsed into a coma for a few hours, the next text came at 9am on Sunday after some much needed sleep…

I slept until someone body slammed someone else around 6am.  Extremely tired.  Hiking today.  

And the last text after they were safely returned to their parents…

I’m considering coming in late to work tomorrow.

 Weekends like this should be mandatory for high schoolers. Best birth control ever.

#TextsFromASingleton

#ThereIsNoTiredLikeSingleParentTired

#WelcomeToTheClub