I’m a chick magnet.

I was sitting at my desk, minding my own business, enjoying the 5 continuous minutes of uninterrupted work time, when I felt a small sting on my foot. I rubbed it with my other foot and kept on working, then felt another sting.

I looked at my foot and found a huge, hairy, hungry mosquito.  I smacked my foot and the stupid thing exploded.  My foot looked like a scene from a Saw movie.  I cleaned up and didn’t think about it again until I got home and noticed two big knots on the top of my foot.

Fast forward two hours and I’m ready to cut my foot completely off just to escape the itching.  I felt the two on top of my foot, but I missed the 12 other bites… that’s 14 bites folks.  14!female suckers.jpg

So I’ve been scouring the internet for home remedies, creams, powders, amputations, anything that will stop the itching.  I’m going crazy here, and not the fun kind.

In my searching, I have learned a few things…

Mosquitoes are attracted to light.

I am a very pale woman whose skin shines like a flashlight in the sunlight.

Mosquito magnet.

Mosquitoes are attracted to the color blue.

My veins are like ropes and being almost transparently pale, that means you can see the blue. Who knew the blue hue would be attractive to some?

Mosquito magnet.

I am also a southern girl who has had her color wheel done by a real southern belle and my best color is blue.

Mosquito magnet.

Only the female mosquitoes bite, the males stick to nectar.

Doesn’t that go against nature?  The males should be enjoying the chase and drooling over their latest catch.  And the women should be able to appreciate that their nectar dinner is made after a long day.

Instead the girls gravitate towards me like a blood beacon.  No solidarity for the fairer sex, they just bite and leave insanity behind.

No matter the gender, a dread hits when I see one because I know they are headed my way.  I can’t focus on anything when there is a mosquito buzzing around.  I am instantly itchy, instantly paranoid and instantly ready for winter when they all die a slow and painful death.

I’m going crazy over here… big time.





2 thoughts on “I’m a chick magnet.

  1. Barbara October 13, 2016 / 4:52 pm

    I love the one about the garlic…..works on vampires as well just in case you come across one of those……

    Liked by 1 person

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