Why is it that I can spend two hours cleaning the house and won’t be interrupted once, but I can’t take a 15 minute shower without giving a play by play of what I’m doing?

Why is it that I can sort a bed full of laundry for 45 minutes with not a child in sight, but I can’t have a 5 minute conversation on the phone without needing to put the person on hold to exercise my incredible conflict resolution capabilities?  (Homeland Security needs more mothers)

Why is it that I can go through the day playing 20 questions to get scraps of information from their day, but 30 minutes past bedtime is when they choose to confide in me and ask thoughtful and insightful questions?

And why is it that I miss all of that when the kids aren’t here?

Motherhood makes you twisted. 

#MotherhoodMakesYouTwisted 

#KidsGaveMeAttentionIssues

#ItsLikeMyRightArmIsMissingWhenTheyAreGone

We made it to Ireland!!  Hopefully the southern-isms will translate as charming and not crazy. But if crazy comes across first, I hope they know it’s the fun kind and nothing to be afraid of!

I’d love to sip my cup of tea (or a Guinness) with a local and hear all about Irish style parenting, laugh about the universal frustrations of messy rooms and growth spurt eating binges, but until that happens I hope you’ll send me your fun tales of family life to share with the Yanks.

Thank you for spending your precious time with me Ireland!

#ImInIreland

#ThankYouForReading

#IrelandIsOnTheBucketList

#OutrageouslyOrdinaryIsInternational

Have you ever looked around your house and seriously wished for the cleaning fairy to flap her big, fat pink duster wings through the window while cleaning the glass with her Windex-covered feet, before scrubbing the floors and bathtubs with her Lysol infused gloves and Mr. Clean padded elbows, ending her day by sinking every clock in the house to read the same time?

This is an actual reoccurring fantasy of mine.  So many birthday candles, pennies in fountains, eyelashes… all wasted.  I don’t think she’s coming.

I’m thinking about getting the hose and just spraying it all down while the children slip and slide on Dawn-soaked beach towels to get the corners clean.

Do you think insurance would pay for an indoor winter hurricane?

#CleaningFairy

#KeepHopeAlive

#IWantTheBleachCleanSmell

#INeedDonnaReed

When my babies came home tonight, after the relentless hugs and kisses, we cuddled up so they could tell me about their weekend.  They always have a great time with their dad so they had lots of good stuff to share, including the amount of candy eaten (said with devilish grins).

After we were all caught up, I asked if they wanted to do anything special this week.  It’s a rare week when we don’t have anything pressing – no doc appts, dentist visits, meetings, after school activities, etc.  I offered a dinner out, anywhere they wanted to go.

The first place they both said was California Pizza Kitchen.  It was like a Christmas miracle, they agreed without any arguing or deal-making at all.  I asked if that was their favorite restaurant – as you know, these things change daily – but they both said no (sorry about that CPK, we actually think the food is great).

Then why would they pick it…

Prepare for gushing from my proud mama moment…

My boy said, “We want to buy another soldier’s dinner.”

My girl added, “Can I bring my wallet and pay for one too?”

Back story – Whenever we are at CPK, we seem to see someone in the military eating alone.  I talk to my children about a soldier’s sacrifice and bravery a lot, as well as the  pride and strength of the American spirit.  As a proud Army brat, I feel like buying a meal for someone who is protecting our freedoms is literally the least that I can do.

You will never hear my political views, they are mine to believe.  But with everything going on in our country right now, the antipathy and hostility on both sides of the aisle, it was just heart warming and refreshing to witness raw kindness and innocent belief in doing the right thing.

#InnocentKindness

#MyLittleDevilsHaveHalos

#ArmyBratStrong

#CaliforniaPizzaKitchen

 

 

I want everyone reading this to understand how much I appreciate your time, your support, your commiseration and compliments.  Your encouragement over the last few months has touched my heart and I am forever grateful for you …

but you got trumped today by my new fan in Brazil!  I don’t know how on Earth you found me #1 Brazilian fan, but welcome to the crazy train!

OutrageouslyOrdinary.com was a lonely, single mother’s way of getting a hobby that didn’t cost much or require sweating in front of strangers in spandex. I’m an Army brat so I have friends and family all over the world that are obligated to read my ramblings.  They even bring them up now and then over coffee or a call with a giggle and a “way to go!”.  They do a wonderful job making me feel funny or feeding me hilarious stories of their own…

but holy moly!  I don’t know anyone in Brazil, and they still clicked on the site!  I don’t know how on Earth you found me #1 Brazilian fan, but you seriously just made my week!

Estou animado!

#MyBrazilian

#PleaseComeBackBrazil

#ThankYouToAllMyReaders

At least twice a week, for the better part of a decade, I am faced with something that baffles me and sends me straight into barking at my children.  I am caught off guard by it every time, and at this point, I refuse to deal with it and call the guilty party in for a lecture and a clean up on aisle 6.

At least twice a week, for the better part of a decade, I walk into the bathroom to find the toilet full of child size odor logs with enough toilet paper to meet the needs of a frat house after a weekend of playing tequila quarters.

I don’t understand the confusion here.  Do your business, wipe your business, then flush your business.  This is not a difficult concept!  But for whatever reason, my little angel cannot seem to remember all the steps in the equation.  She is in the gifted program, could multiply fractions at 8 years old, could read chapter books at 6 years old, could spell her whole name at 3 years old… this should be a no brainer.  But here we are, still fighting the good fight.

Then there is my son who loves the flush.  Pee, flush.  Wipe, flush.  Been a while since he’s heard it, flush.  Can’t remember which way the water whirls, flush.

I have started sending him in to monitor the situation and aggravate her while on her throne just enough to want to remember.  I call him “The Enforcer”, he loves it and she flushes… it’s a win-win.

#RoyalFlush

#ForgetsToFlushButAlwaysWashesHerHands

#ParentingIsFullOfSurprises

 

 

When the kids are here at night there is too much to do to stop.  Homework, making dinner, eating and cleaning it, cleaning them, packing lunches, repacking when they decide they don’t like that snack anymore (usually after I’ve been to Costco and gotten a jumbo pack), getting them ready for bed, getting me ready for bed, reading the latest story, answering the thoughtful and complex questions they seem to have just before bedtime, getting the water, getting more water… by the time I actually put my head to the pillow, I’m the kind of tired that no work day could cause.  I’m a deep sleeper so when they climb in with me, I rarely notice.  When they wake me up to tell me about a bad dream, I mumble and mutter them away from scared and back to sleep.  When they need an extra cuddle, I curl them up in that spot where they fit perfectly.  And when they dream that they are in the boxing ring with Muhammad Ali and sucker punch me in the jaw, I roll over and repeat how much I love them no matter how many stars I see.

But when the kids aren’t here, I miss the rush and busy they cause.  The silence is deafening.  I stand in the kitchen to eat dinner over the sink and wish for the mess they leave behind.  I come up with questions they would probably ask and Google the answers if I don’t know it.  My tiny house seems big and empty with no personality.  The pillow I cuddle up to doesn’t fit right in their spot and even though it’s soft, I miss the flinging arms that cause the stars.

So, basically, I am glutton for punishment and need to get a hobby.  Candle making?  Duct tape art?  Missing sock searches?  Stay tuned…

#GluttonForPunishment

#WhoHasTimeForHobbies

#TakingMyFrustrationsToTheGymAfterTheMonitorIsOff

​There is no greater chance for me to wet my pants in fright than when my daughter, the silent ninja who rises at dawn, leans over me (while I’m still asleep) until our noses are an inch apart and whispers “moooooom “.  One hard head butt and slight concussion later… What?!  “Have you seen my book?”  It’s outside where your new room is.  “Oh nevermind, I want to play on the nintendo.”  You’re grounded.

#SilentButDeadly

#MyChildrenAreMyAlarmClocks

#INeedCoffee