What is it about camp that makes a child’s laundry smell like Satan himself infused it with his morning breath after a binge with the boys the night before?  These smells are not natural, they should have their own bullet in the Geneva Convention.

I left a laundry bag for my daughter to collect her dirty clothes during the week.  I in no way expected that bag to smell like roses, but what she brought home practically jumped into the washer on it’s own begging to be bleached.

Dr. Scholl’s deodorizer is like spraying a can of Febreze in a landfill… once the can is empty, it’s just one more piece of trash to toss but the flies smell rot either way.

#CampLaundry

#FebrezeNeedsAClinicalStrengthOption

#DrSchollsMetHisMatch

#OutrageouslyOrdinary

Quality time with my wee one while big sister is away at camp includes anything from ice cream to naps, and of course endless amounts of games.  

But now the poor guy is taking deep breaths of patience while trying to teach me the ropes of a video game.  

How is it that I can work magic with technology at work, but I can’t get two minutes into one of his video games before dying?  I’m convinced these children come down the chute knowing the theme song to Mario Bros. and how to defeat creepers in Mine Craft.

#QualityTime

#WhatHappenedToAtari

#WeMissSisterAlot

#OutrageouslyOrdinary 

It is rare that I have time to take a long shower, but today was the day.

I stood under the spray as long as I wanted, took care shaving to prevent any random lines of hair up my leg, washed AND conditioned my hair, had a phenomenal concert singing Lady Marmalade with attitude and even had my Clarisonic working it’s magic circles to get my twenties glow back.

When I got out, I felt rejuvenated and ready to rule the world, one Uno battle at a time.  I looked in the vanity mirror to play “find that weird hair”, the one that grows on your face (or wherever) and is thicker than any other hair on your body and jet black, no matter what Loreal says your color is.

I was playing that weird Where’s Waldo game on my face but needed a closer look.  I flipped the mirror around to zoom in, only to realize I had been in the zoom zone all along.

It’s a bad day when you have to get your glasses AND the magnifying mirror to find the stray hair because that combo allows you into the House of Pore-ers.  All the black dots, wrinkles, whiskers and little abnormalities that go unnoticed from a distance day to day are now seen and create the hot mess Picasso effect up close.

These are the moments a Rodan + Fields rep should knock on my door, I would buy anything they had.

#TheZoomZone

#TweezersAreVital

#RodanAndFields

#OutrageouslyOrdinary

Dear Samsung,

I am currently in a power struggle with my snooze button.

Clearly, when I hit snooze I mean for the clock to stop time and allow me sleep as long as I want to, thereby giving me the rest I need to reduce the black panda circles that have set up shop under my eyes.

Please work on this feature before your next update.  The icon designs and system upgrades mean nothing if I’m forced into snooze swiping when I should be snoring. 

If you could create an upgrade that starts the coffee maker after two snooze swipes, that would help the cause.

Sincerely,

All the Mamas

#SnoozeSwiping

#ALetterToSamsung

#ImNoMorningPerson

#OutrageouslyOrdinary 

When I was little, my dad would crack “dad jokes” a lot.  The kind you roll your eyes at and give a hardy-har-har, but end up giggling because the delivery is clever.

For example –

When I would tell him I was getting my hair cut, he would always ask “Which one?”

When I would tell him I was going to ride my bike, he would say “Don’t get a ticket.”

When I told him I didn’t like the lunch in my school, he would say “Surely they have good fish.”

When I was in high school he would ask what was on my face.  When I told him it was a zit, he would say “Just tell people it’s pizza sauce.”

When I went a little nuts with the Aqua Net, he would say “Remember, only you can prevent forest fires.”

(Hardy-har-har)

Today my dad told the kids and I that he is planning a trip to Hungary.  He asked my seven year old if he knew where Hungary is.  My son replied, “Probably next to Turkey.”

It seems the torch has been passed to the next generation.

#DadJokes

#SarcasmIsAWayOfLife

#AquaNetBangsWereFlammable

#SmokeyTheBear

#OutrageouslyOrdinary

Here lies the body of Ashley Camille… She chose to mow the front and back yard when the sun was at its highest because she saw sprinkles and thought the rain would cool her off…

It didn’t. 

In lieu of flowers, she requested you make a donation to Darwin Awards, LLC in her honor.

#YardWasted

#DarwinAwardNominee

#TheHumidityMakesMyHairGrowBig

#OutrageouslyOrdinary 

My daughter was playing with my camera and took an extraordinarily awful picture of me. I look cross-eyed, I was talking so my mouth is blurred, and because it was taken looking up at me, she captured every chin I have.  

We looked at it in wonder and were hysterical, but her sweet little heart kicked in and didn’t want to make me feel bad…

“Mom, you’re still pretty. And your neck being that big just means you have extra blood flow to your brain, so you’re smart.”

Bless her heart.

#FatNeck

#KindnessBackfired

#OutrageouslyOrdinary 

Have you heard about “Tipsy” Ice Cream?  There are several flavors but each of them are inspired by different cocktails.  One serving has the equivalent of a light beer… but who in the world eats one little serving of ice cream?

Why did we not come up with this sooner?  I’m not saying you should eat a trough of it for dessert every night.  But holy moly, it would help…

When you drop the kids off for their first day of school after a loooooong summer…

When the kitchen is finally spotless and the dishwasher is about half way done, then you find dishes in another room…

When you need to kick the PTA meeting up a notch…

When you want to see what Grandma is like with a cocktail or two in her system (special occasions only, of course)…

When the kids want to watch Frozen, again, and they won’t Let It Go…

When it’s Tuesday…

When the warning light on the car is no longer a reminder to get an oil change but is probably the reason you’re now seeing smoke…

When you’re at your yearly physical, already so thrilled to be in the stirrups, and you hear the doctor say “you’re going to feel a lot of pressure”…

When you open the cabinet with all of your containers and every piece of Tupperware you own falls out, except one with a matching lid…

There are so many reasons to enjoy this tipsy treat, I’d love to hear yours!

#ATipsyOccasion

#TipsyScoop

#OutrageouslyOrdinary

#HappyDadsDay

#OutrageouslyOrdinary 

I advise anyone in the North Raleigh area to stay off the road for the next 20 mins. Satan in spandex just whooped my tail and has my legs shaking like Bambi’s first steps. I’m going to aim for the pedals but I make no promises. 

#SatanInSpandex

#PilatesAintForSissies

#IWorkOutSoICanEatWhatIWant

#OutrageouslyOrdinary